What a Christmas!!

Christmas crept up on me this year, although I tried to make the most of it. This year was X's first Christmas. We did a picture with Santa last Sunday evening at the mall. That was a huge mistake. The picture turned out great, however, the three-hour journey to take said picture was not. The parking lot was jam packed and the line for Santa swirled around the ice rink.

I decided to break off and go do some Christmas shopping. I went in to Macy's to buy perfume and cologne for Mom and Arfeo. The down escalator was broken and the technician had it closed off for repairs. So, I had to wait in a 30 minute line to ride the elevator to the first floor. I then decided to get some Starbuck's for A and I for while we waited in the Santa line. The line at Starbuck's took another 30 minutes.

By the time my little adventure was over, X was second in line to see Santa. I had gotten back in the nick of time. X was apparently very good the whole time. He didn't fuss, cry or scream. He was asleep and we had to wake him up to see Santa. In his picture he has a grumpy, just woke up face. It's really cute.

I sent out Christmas cards, made my traditional Christmas cookies and went overboard buying X Christmas presents.

Watching X look at his stocking and presents was so sweet. I couldn't help but think of future Christmases and how excited he will be on Christmas morning, wondering if he will still have that look of awe and wonder in his eyes.

We opened X's gifts at our apartment, then went over to my parents for the big family Christmas. I am so glad my grandparents made it. They have been in poor health in recent months and we didn't think they would be healthy enough to join the festivities.

I'm a little sad Christmas is over. But, maybe that is just part of growing up and becoming a parent. The excitement of Christmas morning is now lived vicariously through your children. It is no longer about you and tangible presents, but more about the emotional presents that you get from watching your little one light up when he sees his stocking or receives his first Christmas gift. I know I'm going to have so much fun in the coming years making Christmas time magical for my kiddos. *sigh*. I guess I am also a little sad because I know X will never be this tiny again. Next Christmas he will be toddling around and getting into things, and I know I am going to miss the innocence that he has now.

I have definitely learned to make the most of every little situation. I take pictures of this littlest things that X does. The little moments that I know I will never capture again. I have I don't know how many pictures of X trying to flop over on his tummy. I think A and I are doing a good job of documenting the little one.

On a lighter note, I went through my closet today and discovered that I can wear my pre-pregnancy dress slacks!! So, I don't have to buy anymore new pants!! I'll get to spend my gift card on something more exciting!! A new pair of boots.. and maybe a cute purse!!

Whirlwind 2 weeks...

Well...I thought being a new mom was difficult... I think being a working mom has been the most challenging thing yet.

I've been at my new job now for two weeks. MUD law is finally starting to make sense. I still get down on myself because I feel like I should know everything already at this point in time. My co-workers tell me not to do that to myself, but that's just who I am.

We are finally starting to get into a routine at home which is helping the whole working process become a bit easier to handle. As hard as it will be, I am going to have to learn to let my house get messy during the week and let chores go until the weekend, or else I just might burn out.

I am getting more comfortable with X's daycare situation, so I'm not worrying about him like I did last week. His teacher is wonderful and has been in childcare for 20 years. His daycare is costing an arm and a leg, but it's worth it to know he is in good hands. Plus, he is just down the street from my office!

I'm exhausted, but I have energy at the same time. Exhaustion means I'm working hard. Maybe motivated is a more fitting word.

After just two days last week, I wanted to quit and come back home and be with X, but I have to keep going, despite the obstacles that will inevitably be thrown in front of me. We are digging ourselves out of the massive hole we have fallen into with this job, and will be able to finally start achieving our dreams.

I'm surprised at how non-social I'm feeling. I guess I've been so used to baby babble that I forgot how to have adult interaction. The people at work are so friendly, but I just can't seem to take advantage of it right now. Maybe with time things will get better.

I hope time is all I need.

In baby news... X started pushing up on his tummy. It's too precious! Christmas is just 6 days away!!

Week 2....

Week 2 has come to a close.... I've been super busy... will post more thoughts later...

New Beginnings....Old memories....

Today marked some new beginnings.

The first being that I got a job offer! I accepted but I have not heard back from the recruiter on whether this is a done deal or not.

If I did get this job, I would start December 8th. It's just 20 minutes away in the Galleria and I don't even have to get on a freeway. Plus, there is a daycare not far from the building, so I may enroll X there so I can go visit him during lunch hour.

Secondly, I put all of X's 4 ounce baby bottles away. Since he eats at least 6 ounces at every feed, obviously the 4 ounce bottles don't get the job done anymore. I broke out the new bottles, washed and boiled them. Unfortunately, I got side-tracked and melted three of the bottles while sterilizing them. boo.

I can't help but have little flash back to those middle of the night feeds in the very first week when I had to supplement with formula. Fumbling around in the kitchen at 3 a.m. trying to measure out formula and get the temperature of the milk just right.

I have started putting a lot of X's clothes into a pile for the "Next One". I shudder at the thought of having another munchkin to take care of, but one day, we will.

I am excited about the new job and finally getting back on the road to saving for a home and a new car. It just breaks my heart thinking about daycare.

I can get through this though. Just have to be a tough cookie for a while.

Bath Time Confusion...

So I aim to give X a bath three times a week. Tonight was bath night. X freaks out if we get him anywhere near the bath tub. We've tried everything, singing silly bath time songs, slowly introducing him to the water, covering him up partially and bathing him bit by bit. Nothing has worked. He freaks out every time.

Tonight, I sat him in his tub and I started wiping his face. He looked at me with huge eyes and started giggling and laughing! I was elated! This was the moment I have always read about in books. Mom and baby enjoy bath time and it's a total mushy bonding experience and baby has fun splashing around. X and I laughed and giggled back and forth to each other. "Yes! We are making headway! He is having fun." I thought.

I then started lathering up X's top half. He giggled some more, then I noticed his eyes start to get teary. The little giggles slowly turned into what sounded like nervous laughter. He was quiet for a few seconds then let out a shrill cry.

Poor thing, he was so confused. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Needless to say, X cried for the remainder of the bath and towards the end A had to come in and help me because he started to squirm around too much.

I don't know what to do about this bath time thing. When the bewitching hour comes around, I get all antsy. I dread the 5 minutes of screaming, but I can't not give him a bath. That's bordering on neglect. I can't help but have visions of X when he is 5, 10 or 15 years old and still dreads bath time. He would prefer to be dirty than get in that awful tub and we argue about it.

*le sigh* ....children.....

New skills and new problems....

X practiced how to reach and grab for things today. He has started holding his hands up in front of his face, clasping them together, studying them and then squealing. It's extremely cute. I dangled a rattle in front of his face, and he reached up and out and grabbed onto it! He then tugged on it and buried his little face it. Also extremly cute. He has also started laughing on a consistent basis. When I make an oinking sound, he goes crazy. He gets a huge kick out it.

I suppose with all new progressions, there has to come a regression. Bath time has gotten increasingly painful for all of us. X hates his baby bath tub. A and I have to hold him down while he squirms and screams at the top of his lungs to try and get out. I just don't know why he hates bath time so much. He used to like it. I'm trying to rack my brain to see if there was something we did last time that might have traumatized him, but I can't think of anything. I hope this is just a phase and he will grow out of it. I don't know how many more screaming bath times I can take.

Also, we can't seem to get nap time down either. I'd like X to be a little more predictable with napping, but he falls asleep for random amounts of time during the day. There is no pattern to it.

Little one is going to drive me crazy!!

Happiness.....

X has started laughing and cooing more. We've started practicing how to sit up on the couch. He is doing so well. He can sit for 15 seconds with his back and head straight. All I have to do is hold his hands. Whenever he sits up, his eyes light up and he starts cooing really loudly and squealing with delight as he looks around. Sometimes he gets so excited, that he starts crying. There are so many new vantage points when you are itty bitty and you are viewing them for the first time.

I wish I could be that happy all of time. Every time I looked at something I would feel extremely excited, it would be like looking at it for the first time. I wish I could go back to that innocence. When I didn't know about hatred, bills, economic problems or how crappy life can be at times.

I can't wait to watch X explore the world and learn. To see him light up and know that he is truly happy.

Happiness is a baby boy.

Obama and Unemployment....

So, this is not a baby related post. I sometimes have to remind myself that there is more to life than my baby. While he is one of the most important things in my life, there are other things that hold importance too.

Firstly, the election of Barack Obama. I did not vote because I had a mommy moment and forgot to submit my voter registration. I am extremely glad that Barack won. I cried during Obama's acceptance speech. When they compared him to Martin Luther King, I cried again. I can not begin to imagine what this victory feels like for african-americans. I was so overwhelmed to see a black president elected. I remember saying eight years ago during the 2000 election race, "Could you IMAGINE what it would be like with a black president?" I was told that it will never happen. The American people are not progressive enough. Well, that day has come. America really is progressive, it was just never realized because it seemed like a lost cause these last eight years.

This country was down in the dumps with the crisis that the current administration put us into. It was amazing to see how different everyone looked and walked yesterday. Everyone seemed to have a spring in their step. All of the talk show and news hosts seemed cheery. A new day has begun. My husband said that introspection happens during hard times. We question more. We are more skeptical of what is being told to us. Well, the American people questioned the Bush Administration with the current financial crisis and tumbling economy. We wanted something different. We needed strong, dignified leadership. I think most importantly in this age of global communication and economy, we needed a leader that could command respect from all countries. I think Barack can be that leader.

It was refreshing to see people of all color coming together and voting in Barack. Bunking the "good ole boy system" and saying "No" to cronyism and four to eight more years of the same narrow-minded policies and solutions that got us into this mess we are in now. Now we have fresh ideas, a new view on problem solving, and America has been dying for that for the past eight years. Call me too much of a progressive-thinker, but these allegations that Barack is a socialist are ridiculous. I think because of the current situation in this country, we may have no choice but to utilize policies and solutions that were previously dismissed in order to get the country back on track. I don't think Obama intends to make the US a socialist nation, but perhaps some of the tenants of socialism and other methods of government might need to be drawn upon when trying to figure this economic and social mess out. I hope his election into office will prompt everyone, regardless of party, to work together and find solutions to dig the country of of the current crisis. That is the only way we can persevere, by working together.

Secondly, the issue of unemployment in my life. I can only hope that it becomes easier to find a job as the economy slowly improves. I am having no luck at all. The job hunt is so competitive right now. I had several interviews scheduled for this week, and every single one of them fell through because "We went ahead and hired someone else." Thank you for not giving me a chance. Setting up an interview with someone and then not even giving them a chance to be seen and heard shouldn't be allowed. If you are in that big of a hurry to hire someone, give the interviewee a deadline to come in and be heard. GRR! So, it's back to the drawing board, again....I thought I was finally getting somewhere in my job search and I would begin working this week or next. I don't mind staying home with my little one, but I would like to start making some money so we can save for a new car and a house.

On a more positive note, X is still sleeping through the night. A and I have gotten the best sleep this past week. My little one is growing up....

Firsts

This weekend was quite a weekend of firsts...

Starting Thursday night, X slept EIGHT hours straight. He didn't stir or fuss. He went to sleep at 10 pm and didn't wake up until 6 am the next morning to eat. He did it again Friday night and last night. I can not tell you how relieved I am to know that he can sleep through the night. We haven't really done anything differently with his routine or feedings. I guess he is just naturally ready to sleep longer hours.

Friday was X's first Halloween. I didn't have a costume for him because I wasn't sure where I would take him to trick-or-treat. I went to Walmart last minute. All of the infant costumes were so bulky and heavy, I just knew X would be miserable. So, I bought him an orange onesie that said "This IS my costume." A and I took X to "Trick or Treat on Main Street" at LaCenterra Shopping Center in Katy. We walked around and saw all the little kids dressed up as Storm Troopers and Princesses. A and I just smiled thinking about when X gets older and what he will want to dress up as. Who knows what kind of characters they will have in a few years. X just looked around at everything. I think it was quite a sensory overload for him. There were so many kiddos and lights, and music and noise. Needless to say we didn't have much trouble putting X to bed that night. We got to see KZH and her hubby while we were there, too. She works at LaCenterra and was working the event.

Today X and I went out to Katy and visited my grandparents. My grandma has been so anxious to meet the little one. Both she and my grandpa are in poor health and have been at an assisted acute care facility since he was born. X put such a smile on my grandma's face. I think it really lifted their spirits to finally meet their great-grandson. I'm glad that he met them and we will be able to tell him some day that he knew his great-grandparents.

On a happier note, X has also started to "laugh" and cackle. He doesn't do it often, but the first time he did it was a little scary. He shrieked so loud that I thought he was hurt. I went to him and he just had the biggest smile on his face and made a cackling sound. Now he has started crying, and as soon as we respond his gives us a big bright smile and a little cackle, like he is playing a game with us. He is wily already!!

Froggies and Fingers

So the little one has become attached to a certain toy. I bought a little frog rattle that has a blanket attached to it. X has started grabbing on to it when you put it close to him. Earlier today, he was sucking on the frog's face and hugging the blanket. It was so cute. His face lights up when you give it to him and he smiles. X has also found his hands and fingers. He likes sucking on his knuckles. Sometimes we'll catch him sitting in his bouncer trying to put his fingers in his nose. I am going to just giggle if X gets older and still loves his froggie blankie. I can just picture myself pulling it out at his high school graduation or doing some other cheesy nostalgic thing like that when I'm older. ahhhh....babies...

'Lil Bear and the Great Pumpkin Patch

Today A and I took X to visit a pumpkin patch/petting zoo with his cousins. I think the kiddos had fun. X just looked around sorta confused, but I think he enjoyed being outside and seeing the animals. We saw some pigs, some exotic ring-tail creature, a toucan, a baby kangaroo, llamas, and some shetland ponies. We picked out some pumpkins to carve. Now that we have it inside, I have to figure out how I want to carve it up. I'm excited to make toasted pumpkins seeds with my mom's recipe. yummy!

I can't wait until next Halloween. X will be toddling around and he might actually understand pumpkins and Halloween. We still want to dress him up and take him trick-or-treating. We may go over to my parent's neighborhood and walk around for a bit. Show him off and get a load of candy. hehhe.

So many memories to make...

Helloooo Pre-Pregnancy jeans!!....goodbyeprepregnancy jeans.... :(

Well, it is getting cold outside and I realized that I can't wear my maternity capri pants anymore. Not only is it not weather-appropriate, but they don't fit and after a while the crotch ends up down by my knees. Not only that but people look at me funny when I try to hike my pants back up.

I dug through my drawers and closet this morning and finally found my pre-pregnancy jeans. I was so excited. Naively, I thought I could fit right back into them. Anxious, I jumped into them and then got stuck on the posterior/waist region. UUUUUUUGH! I was able to get them buttoned and zipped, but not without forming a gigantic muffin top and cutting off my circulation.

I am still wearing them, but now unzipped and unbuttoned with the assistance of my trusty Bella Band. I had put the Band away around month 5 when my pre-pregnancy pants just wouldn't fit anymore regardless of what I did. Now, it's helping me hold my pants up and hide the pudge that I have now. I was surprised that it still has any elastic in it. I wore that thing out. It has holes in it, the edges are rolled and ragged....It will do in the interim I suppose.

I need to suck it up and go shopping ......

The sound no mother wants to hear....

The room was quiet and X was sleeping pretty soundly. All of the sudden he started screeching out in pain from his sleep and then wailing. That sound just made my heart drop to my stomach. I started tearing up and had to stop and calm myself before I went over to X. All I could do was just hold him and rock him in the rocker. X has been so fussy this evening. I think his reflux is particularly bad tonight.

We went to the gastroenterologist today. He said that I need to thicken X's milk with rice cereal and give him Children's Mylanta and increase the frequency of his medication. I hope it works. I need SOMETHING to work. The doctor also said X should grow out of it around 6 months and that this is the normal course for reflux babies. 4 more months of this? Ugh. Torture for all of us. If it doesn't work, then they will have to do x-rays and a scope.

I can only hope things get better.....

No way!!! Did he??....No!...Really?

I was beside myself this morning. X slept in his crib for the second night in a row. Granted, he still woke up often to feed, BUT he slept in his crib. Not in his swing, not in his bassinet....but in his crib!!! making headway to this whole sleeping through the night thing.

WEEEEE!!! I FIXED IT!!!

Soooo, I thought I would be creative and change my background template.... please bear with me while I try to fix the jumbled mess it has become!

Good Morning Sunshine....

I watched X wake up this morning. He squirmed and stretched and made the cutest little squeaks and grunts. He always arches his back and puts the bottoms of his feet together when he stretches. He opened his sleepy little eyes and immediately gave me a huge, sleepy smile. I think I laid in bed and watched him wiggle around for about 30 minutes and wake up. Gosh he's cute....my lil sunshine...

X's first TX/OU Road Trip of many....hopefully... :)

This past weekend we drove up to Dallas to visit friends and watch the TX/OU game. We brought X along. I had some apprehensions about bringing him because he had been sick earlier in the week. Also, I was just certain he would fuss and cry the whole weekend. 

On the way out of Houston we got stuck in two hours of traffic, and of course, someone started wailing from the back seat. After stopping to feed X a few times and getting lost up in Lewisville trying to find our friend's house, we arrived at 1 am in the morning. snoooooooore....

It turned out to be an awesome weekend! Texas pulled out a 45-35 win over OU. X slept through the majority of the game. 

Later Saturday evening we drove up to Southlake and went to a wedding reception for one of A's friend's from high school. My biggest fear happened at the party. I had brought a bottle of formula to feed X while we were eating outside. He didn't like it and spit everything out, then started crying. So, I ended up having to ask the guest of honor where I could nurse. That to me was so embarrassing. About an hour later I rejoined the party and passed X off to A to hold. X stole everyone's hearts. He got so many complements. A and I were just beaming. We make cute babies. 

The next day we met up with all of our Dallas friends at Mi Cocina and had lunch. I got to see JM which was so exciting! X surprisingly was asleep during lunch and only started to fuss right as we were getting up to leave. If only he could continue to do that all the time when we go out in public. 

It was a great weekend. We saw some friends, the weather was amazing, X got to meet everyone and handled the trip rather well, oh yeah and Texas BEAT THE HELL OUTTA OU....just awesome...

The Colic Beast has attacked!

This week has been hell. X cries all day long. When he's not crying, he is projectile vomiting, feeding, or being changed. Well, come to think of it, he cries during that, too. Oooooh if only I could find the cure for what ails him. 

My dad came over the other day while I had my interview and babysat. When I got in he said, "Did you know that X has colic?" I said, "I was starting to think so, but I wasn't sure." I was a colic baby. Just what I was afraid of. Heredity has reared it's ugly head. Grampa knows best. 

So, now I have a little one with acid reflux and colic. So he is just miserable 24/7.

There was a slight turning point last night. X slept for 4 and a half hours straight before his feeding. He only woke twice to feed instead of the 4 or 5 he had been doing. That was wonderful. I didn't enjoy it much because I started worrying that he just wasn't interested in eating because something was hurting him. 

Maybe his tummy is starting to grow and he doesn't need multiple middle of the night feeds. Gosh, I hope I get a repeat of that tonight.  

Now he is being all angelic like and sleeping beside me on the couch for the first time today. That's another thing. He doesn't like sleeping in his crib in the nursery or even on the other side of the room from me.  He freaks out if I leave the room or his line of sight. I don't know if he really knows that mom has left, or if he can just sense that no one is within a foot of him anymore. I don't mind holding him and cuddling with him. I think he still needs that right now. A gets mad at me and is afraid we are raising a whiny, clingy child. While that thought scares me, I just can't let X "cry it out." Mommies were meant to comfort, and that's what I do. Make everything better.

And then he smiled at me.....

Just when I get so frustrated and tired that I honestly want to give up...X surprises me and it gives me a boost to keep going. 

X hasn't been sleeping well and I am extremely exhausted by the time the morning rolls around. He cries when he's hungry, and now he has started crying just to get attention. 

While I was feeding X this morning at 7 am, I nearly fell asleep and I was just beat down. I started staring off to the other side of the room. I felt X stop nursing and looked down. He was looking up at me and he gave me the biggest, brightest smile and went "ah-oh". It melted me. 

We then smiled back and forth for about 20 minutes. 

This past weekend the in-laws came over and we celebrated A's birthday. My sister-in-law has two sons, age 5 months and 3 years. I wanted to cry because seeing my youngest nephew next to X made me realize just how quickly he is going to grow up. Now, I can't put X down. I want to cuddle him and play with him and soak in every baby moment before he gets bigger. He's a tiny little munchkin right now. I wish he could stay that way forever..... 

Quite a week!

We have had quite the week so far. We got through Hurricane Ike and the little one had his one month check up. I am proud to announce that he weighed in at 10 pounds 2 ounces and he grew one inch! 

I told my parents the happy news and they told me to stop feeding him and that I was going to make him fat! haha! I explained that the pediatrician was very pleased with his weight gain and that he is perfectly normal. I told them that he may be a big eater now, but he will probably grow leaner and tall as he gets older. I guess times have changed since 25 years ago when I was an infant. My parents aren't used to today's child rearing techniques. 

Tomorrow is A's birthday and I'm not sure what to do for him. I think his sister wants to do a cook out on Saturday. That would be fun. I want to get a card and make a card for X to give to him, but I don't have a car and A is going to be home all day tomorrow. hmmmm....

Where did Saturday go?

Weekends for me have become a time of rest. A and I take turns catching up on our sleep. I sleep through the night, he sleeps during the day, and we nap when X naps. We don't go out, we don't make any plans. 

If someone had asked me a year ago, "Shelby, what would you say if someone occupied every two hours of your life and you had to devote your full attention to that person no matter what? I would have said, "Uh, no way, I want to have a life, that is too much work." 

When I used to get up at 8 am and get my day started, I now wake up about 10 or 11. This is usually after waking up previously for two or three morning feedings. I'm lucky if I get my shower by 3 pm. I find myself wondering where the weekend went when Sunday evening rolls around.  How I am going to handle this when I go back to work still confounds me. 

Today I ran errands for the first time by myself. Granted I could only be out for 30 minutes because X was due for a feeding, but it was a nice break. 

I get a little nostalgic for the "old days" sometimes. Saturdays during football season meant cookouts and drinking beers at bars with friends while catching the UT games. Game Day now consists of A, X, and I sprawled out on the couch, still in our PJ's. Maybe we'll be able to get out in a month or two when X gets a little bigger and stronger. We can take him to my parents while we catch the game somewhere.

Saturdays are still fun in new ways, though. Having X around is so wonderful. He is the sweetest thing. We get to dance during the day and play on his play pad. Well, I dance and play, he just kind of watches in confusion or falls asleep. Today while he was sleeping on my chest, I looked down at him and I just couldn't help but get all giddy and teary-eyed. He's my little boy. He won't be little forever, so I'm trying to soak up his baby days while I can. 

Life has changed so much in the past three weeks, but I couldn't imagine it any other way. 

Week 2 and baby blues

Today marks my little one's two week anniversary here on Earth. 

X has already grown so much in just two week's time. I can tell he is heavier and growing longer. I got a tear in my eye when I saw today that his newborn shirts no longer fit him well, and the newborn diapers were fitting more snuggly. Pretty soon, he won't be my little baby boy anymore. 

I have also experienced quite the flood of emotions these past two weeks. Sometimes I forget what it was like not having X around, and then sometimes all I do is long for the time when he wasn't here and I wasn't pregnant. I miss being able to get up and go. I miss being able to go out and do things with A whenever I wanted. Well, I just miss alone TIME with A and not having to get up and tend to a crying little one. It's getting hard because A works all day, comes home and naps, and then gets up and works some more or does his fantasy football thing if he happens to have a break from work. I end up caring for X 24/7 with very little break. I'm tired when A gets home and I just want to pass X off, but I know A is just as tired as I am. 

Maybe once X sleeps longer through the night and can do more than just eat and poop I'll feel better about this. I've cried every night for the past two weeks. I hope it is just the exhaustion showing itself, but sometimes I feel so much regret and like I made the dumbest decision of my life. 

I can't take it back now. I have a son to raise and I have to be strong for him. I can't let him see and feel that I am sad deep down inside. They say babies can pick up on a mother's insecurities. 

Yes, looking at X's little face staring around the room just makes me smile ear-to-ear and glow with pride. I find myself wondering what kind of person he will grow to become. We have such a beautiful baby boy. 

I am going to try my hardest to beat this sadness and take a better approach to parenting. This should be the happiest time of my life so why isn't it?

Things I have learned about motherhood....

1) Lanolin is your best friend

2) A newborn can toot so hard and loud that he wakes not only himself, but his parents up

3) Baby poo, pee and spit up will end up in the weirdest places, leaving you scratching your head and wondering "How in the world did that get THERE??"

4) A shower and a few minutes of sleep every day are now on par with taking a luxury vacation

5) Normal eating habits do not return if your child has acid reflux. No caffiene, onions or spicy foods for me for a LONG LONG time

6) You will do a load of baby laundry at least once a day. Usually in the middle of the night when you realize you are out of clean burp cloths 

7) You will quickly become desensitized to a newborns screams and wails at 3 am 

8) A manual breast pump is a LIFESAVER

9) Seeing a newborn look up at you can simultaneously bring on extreme joy and extreme sadness

10) A trip to the pediatrician to find out how much the baby weighs would be highly anticipated

Walking Zombie

I haven't slept in a week. A and I thought that we would be tricky and he would take care of nighttime feedings on Fridays and Saturdays while I slept. Well, X had an idea of his own. He has started refusing bottles of breastmilk and wants it direct from the source only. So, I have the joy of being woken from my sleep at 3:40 in the morning to a screaming newborn who wants to be fed. Not only that, but X doesn't like sleeping. So, if he doesn't sleep, we don't sleep. We are both almost delirious with sleep deprivation. I hear it gets better as the weeks go on, but Good Lord, I see no light at the end of this tunnel. zzzzzz...........

Cha Ching

I always heard before and during the pregnancy that babies will cost you an arm and a leg by the time they are 18. Something to the tune of a quarter million?? 

I certainly believe it after today. 

I had to take X to the doctor because he is becoming frantic during his feedings. Apparently, he has acid reflux and you know what that means? Frequent doctor visits and prescriptions. Sweet.

The kid is not even a week old yet and we are already spending a bundle on his medication. 

Mom was gracious enough to buy us another months supply of diapers, wipes and a few baby clothes since our little guy likes to puke on everything and goes through about 7 shirts and half a container of wipes per day.

I'm starting to think about going back to work again. I know I have to, it is just dependent on when I can get time to interview and well, who will hire me knowing that I have a little one. Granted, interviewing while NOT pregnant is going to be a ton easier than it was interviewing 

while pregnant. Child care arrangements still bother me every day. 

Ugh. Well, for now, I need to rest and get the little guy healthy and strong so he can go to daycare and not reek havoc. 

This little bundle of joy is going to cost me a bundle.

Really??? I guess this is what motherhood is like....

Babies are so funny.

X is eating well, although very feedings are very close together at one to one and a half hours in between. I guess he is going through a growth spurt. Hopefully we can stretch the feedings back out to 3 hours. This whole constant feeding thing is getting to be a drag on me and the boobs. 

I never realized just how much a tiny baby can produce in the way of pee and poo. I laughed so hard today. I was changing X and talking to him, and then all of a sudden, a geyser shoots up and X ended up peeing all over me, the table and his poor little face. That startled the crap out of him. He's finally changed and cleaned up now. I think I need to invest in a PeePee TeePee. 

This parenting thing is a trip. I absolutely love looking in the crib and seeing X's little face and eyes looking up at me. He makes the cutest little noises and is so gentle.  However, the 3 feedings in the middle of the night followed by frantic crying and rampant spitting up, is not that sweet. We've had our first explosive poop, explosive spit up, and all of my pants and the bed sheets are covered in some sort of baby excrement. It's funny, but I always thought that having a baby spit up or poo on me would gross me out. Nursing also causes you to leak from your boobs sometimes. It hardly even phases me when these things happen. 

I just go through the motions of solving the problem and move on.

I haven't slept since I left to go to the hospital. When I do sleep, it is in spurts of 30 minutes to 2 hours if I'm lucky. Several times over the past few days I have found myself dozing off while feeding the baby. Tired tired. Not to mention my whole body is still killing me. Vicodin isn't giving me any relief right now. Darn stitches!!

X is 6 days old now.   Almost one week old. All throughout the pregnancy, I was convinced I would be a terrible, incompetent mother. I would see all of the other mothers out there that made it look so easy, and think that I could never match up. Surprisingly, A and I have tuned in to parenting pretty quickly. It's like as soon as you leave the hospital, an imaginary switch clicks on. While we still have SO much to learn and we've already made some mistakes, I think so far we are doing a pretty darn good job. 

 

Today's Baby Happenings....Mini Milestone

Well, after having to supplement formula at every feeding, we finally reached a turning point.

In the hospital and up until early afternoon today, I had to give X a supplement because my milk had not yet come in. I was very upset and nervous at the thought that I would have to formula feed my baby. I wanted to get breast feeding down and feed X that way for at least the next 6 months until he started taking solids. I was convinced that something was wrong with me and that I was a terrible mother.

At every feeding since Friday, X would be absolutely frantic. I asked every nurse and doctor I came in contact with at the hospital to examine X's "latch." They all said that he was a natural at it and we were doing an excellent job with the technique. So that being said, why on Earth was X not getting enough to eat and crying frantically??

I was up all last night crying and worrying about this. His 2 am feed was particularly bad. 

I talked to my SIL about how she dealt with her feeding issues and she told me to feed, supplement and then pump. 

Not more than an hour after that conversation, X took breast milk, and NO FORMULA. He was satisfied! I couldn't believe it. 

Now, we have had a few rough feedings today, but overall, everything has improved so much. He is feeding correctly and more often. 

A and I feel more confident, thus less stressed and less of a negative effect on X. 

I am slowly starting to find patterns and solutions to problems. I like this boost in confidence and knowledge that I am doing all that I can do for right now. 

He's Here!!

Xavier Kael Yllana was born on August 14, 2008 at 10:02 am! He weighed 7 pounds, 9.4 ounces and was 19.5 inches long!

My Wednesday was rather odd. I felt fantastic in the morning. I ran some errands and didn't think twice about the coming events of the day. 

In the afternoon, I went to my doctor's appointment to make sure everything was in place for the impending delivering the following Monday. I felt a little crampy when I left her office, but it wasn't out of the ordinary for me after an exam.

About 6 pm on Wednesday, I got a horrible contraction that brought me to my knees. I brushed it off as a fluke because it was so strong. Boy was I wrong.

Everything started moving faster at that point, but surprisingly, Arfeo and I were extremely calm during the whole process. We carefully packed and loaded our bags, leisurely drove to the hospital and went in expecting to be told that it was a false alarm and be sent home.

As soon as they hooked me up on the monitors, my nurse said, "Yup, you aren't leaving without a baby." 

My heart sank a little. He is coming EARLY??

Well, I didn't have much time to think, because contractions started coming hard and strong.

Thursday morning, after 16 hours of labor, I had Xavier!

He is my little monkey. He has a head full of black hair and little fuzz patches on his back. He also likes to make little monkey noises. He is the sweetest little thing...well...unless he doesn't get fed right this instant, then he gets REAAAALLY cranky.

So, long story short, I came home yesterday from the hospital and now we are all adjusting to life at home. 

Every inch of my body hurts and I keep having crying fits out of frustration and hormonal changes. I look like I have a beer gut (which pushing on my stomach now freaks me out, it's SO smushy). I haven't slept a full night since, well, before Wednesday, and now I have a sweet, but cranky little one to take care of. Once I get one crisis solved, another one rears its ugly head.

Right now we are working on breast feeding and it's been a bit of a challenge. 

My biggest adventure ever has just begun. 

Excuse Me????

So, I'm over this now, but I went shopping with my mom today at the mall. This is one of the few times that I have actually felt like I could do a shopping day in a long time. 

We were in the shoe section at Dillard's, and I was sitting down for a rest while my mom tried on some heels. 

An older woman came up to me and said, "Smile honey it's not that bad!" I smiled at her. She then asked, "When are you due?" I replied, "Oh, next week." to which she said, "Well! You sure do look like it!" She then proceed to laugh and say, "You look soooo miserable." 

I was about to punch her. Then, she adds to my irritation by saying that I looked so sad and that she was just trying to cheer me up! 

Cheer me up?  You think cheering up a 9 months pregnant person by commenting on how miserable and pregnant they look is going to get the job done? 

Mom and I then went to the Coach store to look around. All of the ladies that greeted us could not take their eyes off my belly. One girl even had a slightly confused look on her face. 

Have you never seen a pregnant woman before? Maybe it was because I wasn't wearing my wedding ring. They probably thought I was some irresponsible teen that got knocked up and was having to be taken care of by mommy. Well newsflash folks, one day when you are pregnant in the middle of August and are swollen and puffy, you won't feel like wearing much jewelry either. And even if you felt like it, sometimes you just can't because, well, it doesn't fit. 

Not only that, but a woman in the Coach store thought that upon my answering her question of when I was due would be a perfect invitation to launch into a tangent about her daughter and how OH SO BIG she got when she was pregnant, and now just one month after having the baby this woman told her daughter to get a personal trainer because she has no "motivation" to get skinny again. Like no motivation to do anything after pushing a watermelon through a mouse hole is a bad thing. 

If I were to see a slightly uncomfortable pregnant woman in a store, I would not go up to her and make such comments or gestures. I would ask when is she due and wish her luck, but that's it. Plain and simple, keep my mouth shut. 

I really don't understand what goes through people's head's sometimes.  Pregnancy is a naturally occurring thing, and I don't think it is anyone's business to pass judgement or make comments that, although the giver may think are innocuous, can be very hurtful to a pregnant woman. I am tired, in pain, hormonal, and I just saw my backend in a dressing room for the first time in 8 months and wanted to bawl my eyes out. I don't want to be reminded of all of this by your inane comments, random stranger. 

We all need to be a little more sensitive to the condition of others.  

whew....ok....rant over...

How fast can 14 days go?

In two weeks, my baby will be here. My doctor seems to think less than that. These next two weeks are going to be the toughest two weeks of my pre-mommy existence. 

I'll have to let go of the selfish me. The immediate gratification me. Everything in life as I know it will change. 

I have to now morph into a mommy role and show someone else how to become his own person, to guide him through life and hope that he makes good decisions for himself.

This seems very daunting for me considering that I am just now becoming comfortable with myself. It has taken me a long time, but I have finally accepted who I am. How can I ensure that I will be successful with my son? 

While I am soooo extremely excited to meet my little one, there are still so many insecurities of if I am capable and competent enough. I know new moms struggle with this all of the time and succeed, but when you have to face that fear for yourself, it is overwhelming and you feel like you will never climb the mountain and get to the other side. 

I compare parenthood to going back to school after summer vacation. You would have a carefree summer that seemed to never end. No responsibilities. All you had to do every morning was just get up and play. Then as the school year drew near, you became apprehensive and scared. As the days crept closer, the impending task at hand frightened you more to where you couldn't sleep. 

I would often stay up late during the last few nights before school, mulling over so many things in my head. Will I know where to go? Will my teacher be nice? Will people like me? These questions drove me crazy. 

Finally, the first day of school. I would awake usually teary-eyed with a lump in my throat. Here it is. The big day. No turning back. I feared the worst, expecting to be picked on, lost and alone. 

Eventually, my worries were eased and I fell into a routine. I found a few friends and my biggest fears were never realized. The school year drug on and I learned new things and grew as a person. 

I can only hope the fears I have now will in retrospect be unfounded, and I will find my way as a mom.

14 days..... 

Ready but not...

Today I went to my doctor. Apparently, I've made a lot of progress in 6 days time. I'm up to 2 cm. and 70 percent. I have to be between 4-5 cm to be admitted into labor & delivery, and 100 percent before baby can come out. 

Almost there. 

My doctor told me that she has me on her calendar for an induction next Wednesday the 6th. She said I can come in if I want to have the baby then. I told her that I will probably wait and let the little guy come on his own. I don't think induction unless absolutely necessary is the most healthiest of options. 

Right now I'm playing the guessing game, wondering if every twinge and cramp is a contraction and one step closer to meeting my little one. 

The selfish, go-getter part of me wants to take my doctor up on her offer of induction just so I can not be pregnant and in pain, I can have my baby and I can move on with my life.  The other more hesitant half, just isn't ready yet to take on the responsibility of midnight feedings and poopy diapers and squealing and screaming, and is scared to death and doesn't want to jump just yet. Ohhh, please PLEASE be a good baby. haha.

Life is going to change soon. I hope I can adjust. 

Things I am excited about....

1) holding my little one

2) being a mom

3) watching my little one grow every day

3) being able to do vigorous exercise and loose weight and retained fluid

4) drinking coffee (Starbucks might be a first stop on my way home from the hospital!)

5) not feeling like I am going to collapse after walking up a flight of stairs

6) wearing and shopping for non-maternity clothes

7) going to bars and areas that have smokers in them and not worrying

8) eating sushi, eggs benedict and things with mousse or custard

9) being able to go to Austin, Dallas, Galveston and not feel tired or in pain

10) drinking alcohol (beer and wine at first) 

11) eventually returning to work and getting back on my feet

12) a normal sex life (ha!) 

I made it!

I am in the clear. I made it to 37 weeks which is considered full term. I could have the baby at any time now and it is anticipated that he will be perfectly healthy! eep!

I'm swole...

Not the good kind of swole...but the sausage feet and hands will not go away! Cold packs, soaking in cold water and elevating them just don't seem to be working.... I haven't even eaten any salt today! bleck! 

Is she married??

Well, it finally happened. I thought I would be one of the lucky ones that was able to avoid it.  I've become so "big and swollen" that I can't wear my wedding ring anymore. I can't fit it over my knuckle. I attempted to squeeze it on this morning. Big mistake. It promptly turned my ring finger red and numb. I was able to wrench it off. I feel very weird going around without my ring on. I went to the mall to walk around a bit this afternoon, and I glanced at my finger and had a panic attack. Then I realized that my ring was at home. Gosh I can't wait until this baby weight goes away and I return to a more normal, less puff-ball of a state. 

A gut feeling....

I have had the worst pains and cramps the past two days in my abdomen and back. It's so annoying. I feel like I can't do anything anymore. I am afraid to work, afraid to travel, afraid to do any sort of prolonged activity. I almost want to have the baby now so that at least I would know that shortly thereafter the pain would go away and my body could go back to somewhat normal. 

Today has been a very strange day. My dad took me to PF Changs for lunch. My dad and I were talking about how close I am to having the baby and I told him I had a small feeling the little guy would come sooner than later. He agreed. He said, "Shelby you are about to POP. I am surprised you haven't had the kid yet!!" We got our fortune cookies at the end of the meal. Mine read "Trust your intuition." Fabulous.

Another random occurence happened today..... I don't know if the comment was directed at me but I was at the grocery store looking at something on the shelf, and this woman walks behind me and says "You are going to have that baby in 2 weeks!" It caught me off guard because she just walked by when she said it. No, "Excuse me ma'am when are you due?", no tap on the shoulder and directing the comment at me. She just walked right by. Before I could respond she was already gone around the corner. It was weird. I got this funny lump in my stomach, like maybe she could tell the future and I really will have this baby soon. I know that isn't possible, but it was definitely a "Huh??" moment. 

26 days...

Today marks 36 weeks!

Only 4 weeks left. Less than 30 days to go......

Freaking out...

I will be a mother in 30 days or less.....I think my heart just sank into my stomach...

So much knowledge!

So much knowledge, it's leaking out of my ears!!

I just got back from my infant care class. It was a 3 hour cram session of everything baby. Diapering, bathing, swadding, changing.

A good majority of the things were common sense but there were a few nuggets thrown in there that made you go, "Oh, really?" 

Like, NOT removing earwax build up from a baby's ear?

Like not taking their temperature with anything other than a rectal thermometer?

Goodness child rearing is going to be a trip.

It's a miracle!!

Today I went to the doctor and she took me off bedrest!!!! I am SOOOOO happy! I was convinced that I was going to be on bedrest for the duration of the pregnancy. I don't think I have ever been so excited about the prospect of getting to go back to work and go out and do things! 

The crib is done!!

Well, it took a little while, but A was able to get the crib put together. 

We got the Simplicity Ellis 4 in 1 convertible crib. Since its a convertible crib, there were random holes everywhere, and it took A a while to figure out where the holes to assemble the crib were.

It is so cute! I put the froggie bedding on it and I can't stop looking at the crib now. 

In just a few weeks, the little one will be resting his little head in there. hehehehe.....

so sweet! 

Daycare Dilemma....

I've been doing some research on daycare centers around the area.  

I really can't decide if it would be more feasible for me to stay home and take care of the baby, or if I should go back to work. I'd have to make enough money to compensate for gas and child care, as well as taking care of any expenses that aren't covered by A's salary. 

A  and I were hoping that I could stay home for the first year so I wouldn't miss the firsts. Neither of us wanted to do this, but we are going to have to.

It just hit me that I will have to put my little one in someone else's care when I go back to work and it breaks my heart. I just get this image of my helpless little one in someone else's care and I can't stop crying about it. I don't want to miss the firsts, but if I don't work, we just won't make it. If there was a work at home alternative, that would a miracle. 

My business is starting up, and my old boss is about to pass 2 projects on to me.  That will be a couple grand right there for those. But, it's not going to be enough. My business is not going to be enough. 

I know people do this all the time. Women only get 8 weeks or so of leave and then they have to go back to work. It is just all so hard to grasp. 

Bedrest..... venting...

I am having a true battle with myself.

My doctor wants me on bedrest to prevent me from going into premature labor. That is all well and good, but I have felt perfectly fine. 

There is no scientific evidence that supports bedrest and its' effects on premature labor.  No one knows if it truly works. 

Doctors claim that it reduces pressure on your cervix and helps lower your blood pressure, and helps you relax.

This is what I have to say about that....

1) Since I have been on bedrest, my body has been killing me. While I get up and try to stretch to prevent my legs from cramping, it happens anyway. Laying down all day is hurting my back and my hips from pressure. My legs and arms fall asleep.

2) Bedrest so far, has NOT reduced my blood pressure. If anything, it has shot through the roof.  Because of this "bedrest", I can not work. I can't work, so bills are not getting paid. As of right now, if I do not go back to work within 3 weeks of my having the baby, we are going to be seriously in the red. I can't take it easy knowing that. I can't take it easy knowing that I can't support myself and my husband. He works his ass off all day and gets paid nearly nothing for it (yes, he is an attorney, but a POORLY paid one for the work he does) It scares me to death thinking about what is going to happen to us in just a month or two. I wake up early and stay up late at night looking for a job that I can do while I am home with the baby, but everything is a freakin' scam. So far, bedrest has not helped my health. 

It is taking everything I have not to call my temp agencies and have them put me back on their job lists. 

So, let's say I have the baby and then decide to return to work. How will I pay for child care? 

Our credit is shot. We have no available room on our cards. 

We are in a bind, and I am so extremely frustrated that I can not work right now because my doctor says I can't and that I may have the baby in a couple of weeks. How am I going to take care of this child.....

uuuuurgggh...

Little Tickler...

Ok, so I am watching this little lump (probably a foot or hand) poke out the side of my abdomen right now. I've pushed on it and it won't go down. It's been hanging out for a while and is starting to tickle! hah!

He's playing games with me. Silly monster. 

Insatiable itches....

This bedrest thing is so annoying. 

Although I feel fine, no cramps, no pain, no signs of labor yet, I still have to stay in bed or on the couch.

It is so frustrating because I have so much I need and want to do. Laundry, errands outside of the house, doing dishes, lifting things in the baby's room. Getting all of the baby's stuff ready.

I also wanted to go to Austin and Galveston this month, just to relax a couple more times before the little guy comes. Unfortunately, I don't think that is going to happen. 

My doctor thinks the little guy could decide to come at any time between now and August 18. We are trying to stave out his arrival as long as we can, but you can never be too certain what baby's will do.

must....do....something....

Seriously???

Ok, so contractions are still coming and going....propping myself up on a pillow seems to be bringing some relief for now. Hmmm... who shall I call if it goes down... A is in Austin until Saturday morning for a wedding, family and friends are across town...hmmm..

Part of me wants to just go to the hospital and get the little guy out already and be done with this seemingly endless guessing game, and part of me is scared to death that if he comes now, he will be sick or have other problems, and plus, I am just not ready to have a son 6 weeks ahead of schedule, no sirrreeeee...

The human body is an odd, odd thing. There are so many guidelines in books and websites about how to time contractions, what is considered "false" and what is considered "true" labor...oh but wait, if you are at risk for pre-term birth, then you have to follow this whole different set of guidelines that is kinda similar to "false" labor, but it really just boils down to instinct and "knowing" when its time. There are no clear cut lines at all. I think despite the mountains of literature on labor and childbirth, no one knows what the heck really goes on, they just pretend to know just to make a buck or two. 

ok, going to try to go back to sleep. Happy 4th of July everyone! I'll be laying in bed while everyone is enjoying their BBQ and fireworks displays! Light a sparkler for me! 

My anxious little one....

Ever since my stint in the hospital back in April, I never thought that I would end up there again. 

Much to my surprise, I went in to my normal check up on Tuesday and ended up getting sent down to labor & delivery. My doctor told me that I was one centimeter dilated, and 60% effaced. In plain language, that is a sign of pre-term labor and that baby might be on its way. Those two things plus another couple of signs that I was exhibiting got me sent to the hospital. 

It was quite frightening because I hadn't felt A THING. No pain, no cramping. Just a normal Tuesday for me. 

So,  I get sent in to the hospital and I got all hooked up to all sorts of monitors and things. A came in and stayed with me through the evening, then my parents came over and brought me magazines and stayed with me for a bit. 

I was so restless while I was there. I was having contractions all day, but they were variable and they didn't seem to concern my doctor or the nurses.  My doctor told me that I would probably be discharged in the morning once they have time to monitor me overnight.

Well,  I couldn't sleep. The chick in the room next to me kept coughing and getting sick and yelling and screaming.... I guess she was going in to labor... I dunno... so that kept me up. 

I also realized that I had cable TV in my room so I was fascinated. I don't have cable at home so I probably watched a little more TV than I should have.

Along came midnight and I started feeling really queasy and I started getting intense pains in my lower abdomen. My first thought was, "Well, damn, is this it?" 

I laid down for a bit and drank some water hoping it would subside. It didn't. My nurse came in and told me that I was having contractions EIGHT MINUTES APART and this could possibly be the real thing. 

"Whoa, there" I said, "what do we do next?"

I got a series of shots and pills over the next 6 hours to stop the contractions. This series of medication shot my heart right through my chest and made me so jittery I couldn't sleep. 

I then had a rather terrible and painful blood draw at 4 in the morning by a brand new technician, only to find out a couple hours later that that blood draw had been made by mistake and she shouldn't have taken 6 vials of blood. 

I was finally discharged yesterday afternoon. I was still having contractions apparently, but I couldn't feel them. That made me feel great, not really knowing if it's false or true labor...

Last night about 9 o'clock I thought I was going in to labor again. A just went berserk. I told him to calm down, it probably wasn't the real thing. It just frustrated me so much watching him randomly throw things into a big duffle bag with no real organization to it, like we were about to be hit with a nuclear bomb and had to evacuate.  I called the on-call doctor and he told me to relax and keep drinking water. That eventually calmed things down.

I'm at home now on strict bedrest for the next 2 weeks. When I was on bedrest back in April for just 5 days, I nearly went crazy. 

There are so many things that need to be done and I get so restless wanting to do them. I don't like relying on A or my mom to come help me out. I'd rather do it all myself. 

So, I'll be laying here for the next two weeks, trying to maintain my sanity and hope and pray the little guy doesn't plan on making an appearance anytime between now and then. 

Snausages!

Things have been quite busy around here lately. I've visited every temp agency in town and I finally got placed on two jobs this week. I've also picked up a side transcription project typing up interviews for a research study at A&M. I'm still working on putting my business together too! That isn't coming along quite like I hoped it would. It will get there eventually. Too many snags in the fabric of my current plan. 

 A and I bought a couple of pieces of furniture last weekend and spent all weekend putting them together to make our apartment more liveable since we don't have cable. Yay for 4 channels! It hasn't been too bad, though. It has forced us to get out of the apartment on weekends and find other ways to amuse ourselves. I haven't watched TV in 4 days and I don't feel like I've missed out on anything! 

Now that we are finally getting settled into Houston and our apartment, things in the baby department have been moving along quite quickly. No, I haven't had the little guy yet, although there are some moments when I swear he will be making an appearance. I had a baby shower last weekend at KH's house! She did SUCH a good job! Everything was just adorable! So many people showed up and I was just so happy that all of my favorite people could share in this special time in my life. CC baked an awesome cake which was sooooo good. I was bad and had two pieces....oooops! 

We also took our baby CPR class and maternity ward tour. A was surprisingly really in to the CPR. I'm glad he took it seriously. At least I know our little one will be taken care of if God forbid anything happens. There were two women in the class with us that had little ones. An 11 month old, and a 22 month old. Hearing about the little inconspicous things that end up in the babies' mouths was a real eye opener. I had no idea that little ones could pry the rubber pads off of door stoppers and eat them! That class definitely made me want to baby proof the crap out of our apartment. But, little ones still find ways to get around all of the obstacles put in their way. 

I feel great for being late third trimester, however, my poor footsies are all swollen up! They are like puffy sausages! I can't get any relief either. My shoes kill me. Sitting for too long hurts, standing for too long hurts. There is no happy medium. I should invent a pair of shoes for pregnant women that have cooling gel wraps that surround your foot, so the swelling decreases and your foot stays cool. Man, that would be awesome!

53 days left in my pregnancy. I can't believe it. I am going to be responsible for another human's life in 53 short days. My free days of doing what I wanted when I wanted with who I wanted are just about over. Want to go run out for coffee? Nope. Gotta get a sitter. Want to stay out all night at a bar or club? Nope. I've got a little one at home that needs a bedtime story and a bottle. I'm sure I will still have some sort of social life, but this might just knock the wind out of my social sails. I can do this, I can do this! My mantra for the next 18+ years. I can do this, I can be a capable mother.... eeekkk... the dreaded "M" word.....

A New Adventure....

We made it to Houston! Despite the fact that I have a terrible sinus infection and the worst muscle cramps ever, we are finally settled in!

A and I packed up the Dallas apartment on Thursday morning and drove in to Houston Thursday night. Then first thing Friday morning we got up and moved into our new apartment.

The apartment is awesome!! There is soooooo much room. So much so that we have a lot of empty space that we don't know what to do with!!

Today A's family came over to help unpack and my mom and brother came over. In two hours we cleared out 90 percent of the boxes. The few things that we have left to do are to put a few decorations on the walls, buy linens and decorations for the second bathroom, and put the baby's room together. I need to buy a nice cupboard for our bar items and we might even get a new couch and coffee table! Something that doesn't look like it came out of a college dorm room! ha! 

I'm so glad everyone came in to help! I don't think we could have done it without them. 

After we unpacked all the boxes, we went over to the pool and hung out for a while. 

I think we are both going to enjoy living in Houston. Lots of new opportunities and adventures to be had. 

We'll be starting a family, meeting new friends, beginning new careers (hopefully)..... 

Tomorrow mom is taking me shopping for stuff for the apartment and more maternity clothes. My shirts are getting too short!!

What a busy few days, but we made it all in one piece! 

Are we there yet?

I'm so ready to get out of Dallas. I'll miss the friends we have here, our favorite spots to eat and hang out, but living around piles of boxes and having empty cabinets is starting to wear on me!

I had a whole list of phone calls and chores that needed to be done before the move, and I'm so anxious that I've finished everything!

All I have to do is throw our clothes and linens in a box and that's about it! 

In one week I'll be back in Houston! 

Can't wait!

What in the heck is going on in there?

No, this is not another worry-filled middle of the night posting that I am so prone to do.

This is a "the little critter won't stop kicking me in the spleen" post.

What on earth could he possibly be doing in there? I've been sitting here in the light of my computer watching my belly move. I'm trying to figure out what is head and what is feet. He is moving an awful lot. He's training me for the long middle of the night feedings and crying fits. Fabulous. 

It boggles my mind how he has any room to turn much less kick and stretch, because according to my last ultrasound, there was no more room in the inn for the little guy. When a baby has his hands across his face and he looks smushed, chances are he's a wee bit uncomfortable.

My sleeplessness could also be from the tons of chips and salsa I ate last night for dinner. Parentals are in town to help us pack and we went to Ozona's. I'm going to really miss their chips with the peppery salty garlic powder they sprinkle on them. YUM! I'm going to miss a lot of good Dallas food joints. Sigh.

The child just kicked the computer off my tummy. I had it balanced on my tummy, and he just kicked and it toppled off. That happened the other night with the remote control. One minute it was resting on my tummy, the next it was on the floor because little Pele decided to kick a winning field goal. He knows what's going on. Hey Ma! Get that thing off my back! 

ok, getting tired again. bedtime...

Reflection...

I decided to take the last posting down. It was too much of a downer. I need positivity in my life.

Things have gotten a little better since last Friday at 3 am.

My boss is excited to have me work for him doing my settlement brochures. That's a big relief. I guess I caught him on a bad day last week. 

I've decided I'm going to put my little nose to the grindstone and start a home business. For as little as $50 bucks I can start a business and not risk loosing a thing. Yes, I'll have to work hard and continually sharpen my skills, but this graphic design/creative writing stuff is fun for me, so I don't think it will be a big problem.

Today was my last day at work. I am still in shock. It's hard to believe I won't be going back to the office on Tuesday. Although its been made known that I'm welcome to come back anytime, I still can't believe it. Two years of my life with that firm. That's a long time. That's a lot of little life experiences and skills that I probably wouldn't have gotten elsewhere.  I grew up a lot. Although the job stressed me out on a daily basis, I worked with some awesome professionals and gathered some knowledge that will help me personally and professionally in the future. The whole experience in retrospect really wasn't that bad after all.

Our financial situation still sucks and I worry how we are going to make ends meet, but I'm starting to formulate somewhat of a plan. 

A and my mom both want me to take some time off and relax, but I just can't. Not when I know there are bills to pay and I'll have a son to raise in three short months. Not to mention doctor bills! OY!!!

I'm hoping to interview with a floral design studio in the next week or so for part time work. I really want to learn how to do floral arrangements and get my foot in the door. I can make some good money in that field if I play my cards right.

Two weeks from today I'll be an official Houstonian....again...haha!

My how time flies.....

Shin Splints, how I loathe thee...

It's been a while since I posted. Things have been very busy around here. I've been trying to pack and get ready for our move to Houston in 3 weeks. My last day of work is next Friday and so I've been working late trying to get everything wrapped up before I go. 

I found my doctor and a new apartment, so those are two big things off my list.

I still need to rent a U-haul and a car trailer.

I don't know if it is the crazy amount of activity that I've been doing the last two weeks, but my legs are killing me!!! They are starting to swell up and I have perma-shin splints. 

I can't get myself to slow down either. Sitting still for extended periods of time really bugs me now.  I'm also nesting like CRAZY!! I have the urge to clean and organize things all the time.

Sunday morning I woke up at 7 am and started cleaning out my bathroom cabinet and closet. A had to come in and drag me back to bed!

I started organizing things in my office today. There was a big box sitting in our conference room and I went in and picked it up. I didn't think it was that heavy and had no problems moving it. My boss came in to my office and he was all flush and he yelled "What the F&$* are you doing?!?!?" I was like, "I'm cleaning and trying to pick things up around here." I apparently scared him to death. He said, "Shelby I do not want to deliver your baby here at the office, please don't pick anything else up, EVER!!!" We just both started to laugh.

Sometimes I forget that I have limits now on how I can bend, stretch and carry things. It kind of sucks. You feel disabled in a way. People always want to help you do simple tasks and I can't help but let them do it. I should relish in the help and learn to relinquish control over situations, but.... it's soooo hard to do!!

Anywho, my legs are killing me. I need A to massage them again. 

Goodbye Pre-Prego Jeans!!

Today I finally gave in and bought more maternity clothes. All of my pre-maternity clothes have finally gotten a little too short and a little too tight. 

I went to Old Navy because I had heard that they had cute maternity clothes. The location I went to had the maternity section shoved into a back corner, and nothing was hung up and everything just looked wrinkled and worn out. I sifted through the racks anyways, and there were actually extra large non maternity clothes on the racks! As if pregnancy wasn't an emotionally charged time already, I have to pick from extra large clothing? I left Old Navy and went home very discouraged and feeling like a cow. 

I looked online for some boutiques and went back out. I'm glad I did because I hit the jackpot at Destination Maternity.

I bought some really comfy denim capris and some cute tops at Destination Maternity. I think I'm set for the rest of the pregnancy. All I need is a tankini, maybe, if I'm brave enough.... and a cute dress for my baby shower.  I feel cute again! 

The Replacements

This week I've started training my replacement at work. She is the sweetest thing. She's an Aggie and wants to go to Law School, so she is just diving into everything I give her, which is awesome.

She insists on doing things around the office for me so I don't have to lean over and pick things up or go and fetch things from another room. She went to lunch the other day, and brought me chocolate chip cookies on her way back to the office. She scored points in my book with that! haha!

It's very odd training her. The things I do at work just come naturally now, and having to stop and think about what all I've done over the past two years just wears me out!

In one month I'll be leaving the firm. I'll be sad to go. These folks have been like family to me. I'll miss the great benefits and pay too. Something I definitely won't have in Houston for a long while.

Well, every chapter has to end sometime, right? A new chapter must always be written. I'm about to start writing the biggest chapter of my life: motherhood.

We found it!!

After several months of research and a day of pounding the pavement, A and I found our apartment in Houston! The apartment is at Richmond and Beltway 8 in the Westchase District. It's brand new and it is VERY spacious. Lots of room for a little one, AND they are going to paint the nursery for us in a baby blue!! I'm excited! 

This definitely made me feel more anxious and excited about moving home. I have a new home in Houston and I can't wait to move in and SPREAD OUT!!! 

I've got so many things to do between now and then. I haven't started packing. I'll get as far as surveying the area I want to pack, and maybe putting a box together, and that's about as far as I get. My mom is coming up during Memorial Day weekend to help me pack! yes!!!

This next month will go by fast. 

Bye Bye Belly Button

I just noticed that my belly button has disappeared. My innie went to an outie about 3 weeks ago and now I'm so stretched out that my belly button is barely there.  It's rather funny looking. Just in time for bathing suit weather, too! Well, let's face it, I probably won't be doing much in the way of tanning and hanging out poolside during the summer months. haha!

The Wonderful World of Babydom

I finally finished my registries today!!  The only things I'm missing are baby clothes and extra blankets and sheets, but I can pick those up whenever as we go. I need basics right now. 

I never imagined that it would be such a big task!! 

I spent 6 hours yesterday doing my Babies R Us registry and spent nearly 2 hours just trying to pick out bottles!!

Today A and I took a trip to BRU and looked at strollers and car seats. I am so glad we went or else I would have registered for a rather terrible stroller. I think I pulled a muscle trying to get one of the strollers closed and opened back up!

A got in to the whole process and it was just too cute watching him push the stroller and practice taking the car seat in and out of the stroller.

We've decided to do a light green and light blue color scheme with froggies, snails and turtles. I can't wait to see it all come together! 

I feel pretty good about my choices and now just have to hope that we get enough of everything to get by for a while!

Today at BRU, A and I were walking through the nursery furniture section, and he stopped in front of one of the cribs and leaned over it. He had the biggest smile on his face. I asked what he was smiling about, and he said "Just thinking about how cute our little boy is going to look sleeping in a crib." I can not wait to see him with our baby boy. It will be so darn cute!

In the clear....sorta

I went back to the doctor today for my check up. The pains and cramps that I was having have diminished somewhat, and now she just thinks I might have an infection. I'm getting treated for that, and hopefully when I go back to the doctor's next week, I'll feel much better.

My little boy is a whopping 1 pound 2 ounces already!!! He is so cute. During our ultrasound, he kept sticking his pointer finger up in the air and wiggling it around. I don't know why he was doing that, but it was just too cute. 

So, I hope in another week I'll feel better and be all back to normal.

Bedrest sucks!!

So, this week has been rather interesting. It started out like any other week. On Tuesday I had my monthly pregnancy check up. I told my doctor about some weird and rather painful cramps and pains that I had been having for the past week. My doctor's eyes got big and said "Can you take a few days off?" I said, "yeah, but I'm supposed to be in Houston on Friday for my friend's wedding." 

Her head sunk. She told me, "you can't go, you are having what sounds like pre-term contractions and you need to stay in Dallas." Basically, this means that these pains I had been having and ignoring could have led to premature labor. Because I was only 21 weeks along, and babies aren't viable outside of the womb until 24 weeks, my doctor freaked out. 

She placed me on bedrest until Monday the following week. I drove home in tears, at first because I was going to have to miss CC's wedding and I was worried at how she would take the news (she was VERY understanding and supportive, by the way, love you CC!) , but then the reality sunk in that I could really loose my baby and there wasn't a darn thing I could do about it.  My body was going to do what it was going to do. 

I think I cried for a day straight and then I just laid around my apartment all week. I caught up on some of the books that I had put away months ago. It was kind of nice to have a short break from work. 

I'm feeling better now. I still have pains in the nether regions and I'm not sure if that's normal or not. I go back to the doctor on Tuesday for a follow up. If after my examination I don't show signs of improvement, I may have to go on prolonged bedrest, which would REALLY suck. I realized that staying home would drive me crazy. As much as my job gives me a perma-headache, I'm keeping busy and being productive. Sitting at home and seeing the dirty dishes and laundry pile up and not being able to do chores on doctors orders really irritated me. 

Hopefully, this will all go away and I'll be back to normal soon. 

Well, its off to shower. My parents are in town today and they are coming over for lunch and a visit this afternoon to cheer me up. 

Until the next rumble...

IT'S A BOYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

SO CLOSE!!!!!

I'm so excited! I find out if I'm having a boy or girl tomorrow at 2 pm!!! 17 hours and 30 minutes to go!!!

still hungry....

I want easter jelly beans, robin's eggs candy, and a huge house salad from Campisi's....all at the same time..is that weird?...ugh.....stupid cravings.....

whew! what a weekend!

This was a great weekend!  I got a lot accomplished and saw some great friends!

Friday A and I met up with JM and BB and TH for dinner at Kenny's Woodfired Grill for JM's birthday in Dallas. Dinner was awesome and the company was even better! I could eat popovers all day. 

On Saturday morning I got up early and drove to Houston for CC's bridal shower. The shower decor was so cute and CC looked great! CC is getting married in three weeks! I'm so excited for her and can't wait for the wedding. I get all giddy when I see her and her fiance. I love seeing friends extremely happy.

After that I went to Parvani Vida to try on my bridesmaid's dress for CC's wedding. I could barely get the darn thing on. I guess the sizes run small, but I ordered a 10 after I found out I was pregnant thinking it would be enough room. Nope. This thing was SKIN TIGHT and I could barely breathe. The seamstress said that all she can do is let out the inner lining all the way and welllll....cross our fingers and hope I don't grow too much over the next 3 weeks. eeeeeeeek! Super cute dress though. I don't know what I'm going to do if it doesn't fit. I'll laugh, A LOT, because that means I'm becoming a real preggo, and then I'll probably cry and then panic. We'll see.

Once the dress scare was over, I was with my mom and dad and they drove me around Westheimer to look at apartments. I have a list of about 20 that I'm whittling down.

I also got to see KH and her hubby last night. We went and saw Vantage Point. Interesting movie. It was like Speed, Memento and Groundhog day smushed together. Suprisingly short, too. I love movies that make you think and leave you a little puzzled. During loud parts of the movie, I kept feeling this slight tugs in my tummy. I don't think the little one liked the loud noises at ALL. I just imagined it in there, trying to sleep and then feeling a loud thud and getting a little mad face and kicking my tummy. Just like it's father does when he doesn't want to wake up. hehehe.

Today I went out and viewed one apartment and a townhome. The first location I went to off Westheimer and Briar Forest, I asked to see their Model F. The manager looked at me and said, "Have you considered a townhome??" I said, "No, I haven't" He then showed me a 1,700 square foot townhome which ws just absolutely perfect AND it's going right now for $1,000.00 A MONTH!!! The only catch, he has two left, and he doesn't know if they'll be around when our June move comes.

I went to the other apartment on Richmond, a newer complex and loved that one too. So, I don't know. A didn't get to come and look with me, but from what I told him he's already sold on the townhome. 

I want it!!!!

Now I'm finally back in the big D after a 5 hour drive. It's been a long weekend. I think its bedtime.

Today also marks 18 weeks!!!! 

Popsicles or bust!

So, I'm taking donations for Shelby's popsicleholic fund.

Yes, that's right, I'm addicted to popsicles of the cherry and orange variety. I have no idea why. I've eaten an average of 2 popsicles a day for the past week. 

I went to the doctor today and I've gained 4 pounds in 2 weeks. My doctor asked what I eat. I told her I try to eat healthy, but I eat popsicles like crazy. She says I need to think about slowing it down. 

popsicles....whodathought?

In other news, today I saw the little peanut. The little one was kicking up a storm and moving its hands around. At one point during the ultrasound, it stretched its arms out, opened and closed its little mouth, and proceeded to recline back and put its hands behind its head... seriously... I have a little couch potato in the making...hahah...

It was so cute... It's so active yet I can't feel a thing yet.

I think in two weeks I find out what I'm having. I can't wait! 

Ok, Orange popsicle and bed is calling me.... mmm..popsicle...

17 weeks!!

Well it's amazing how much can change in just two weeks time. I am definitely starting to look pregnant. My tummy is starting to pooch out under my clothes!! 

Also, A just started at a law firm here in town as an associate and they have offered him a position in their Houston office to help build up the firm down there. So, we're moving to Houston in just 3 short months!

I started writing down all the things I need to do for the baby and then I had to add a whole other list for moving to do's and job to do's. I've got so much to close out before I leave. 

A long, long list of things, yargh.

I'm very excited to go back home to my family and close friends, though!! 

Today I ate like crazy. I had a bowl of cereal, an Ensure drink and a banana for breakfast. Then for lunch I wanted falafel with cucumber so I went to Central Market and bought everything to make falafel. While in line I got dizzy and my blood sugar got low, so I grabbed an assorted nut mix at the check out and I ate half of it before I got home and made my real lunch. 

A and I then got icecream at ColdStone and then met some friends up to watch the Texas/OSU basketball game, where I proceeded to drink two huge glasses of water and ate a whole plate of nachos with fixings.....

Now I'm going to have a cherry popsicle. mmmm....cherry goodness....

15 weeks!

Today marks 15 weeks!! 

I've been reading The Sweet Potato Queen's Guide to Raising Children for Fun & Profit by Jill Browne that my dearest KZH gave to me. It is HI-larious! Jill Browne is a Southern lady and she writes how she talks. 

"...the moment when you know with absolute certainty that you are, in fact, a Pregnant Woman - I'd have to say is the single most Stunning Moment of Your Life....You've flipped that light switch to no avail for so long you've become accustomed to the dark, and now, all of a sudden, the same little flip of the same little switch has made some kind of cosmic connection and WHOOO DOGGIES! EVERY LIGHT IN THE HOUSE CAME ON!

From this moment on nothing in your life will ever-EVER-EVER-be the same......."

I think this excerpt describes my exact reaction to finding out I was pregnant. Stunning but unbelievable at the same time. 

Ever day I am amazed when I look in a mirror. When I have an ultrasound done and see how much the baby grows from week to week, it is outstanding. In 15 weeks my mind has changed so much about pregnancy. In the beginning, I was extremely frightened, but now with every day that passes, I can't wait to hold my little one and kiss it's little hands. A and I talk about all the cute and silly things the baby will probably do, and how to raise it and how to help mold it into a bright, capable individual. 

A and I met with JL and TL yesterday for lunch, and we got to talk about baby stuff and life with a baby. They have a 2 year old and a 3 month old. JL was in the same situation I am in now.  A young newlywed who had a baby a little bit sooner than she expected. Hearing how they have adjusted and seeing that they are doing well and have managed gives me a lot of hope. A and I can do this too. After lunch yesterday, I have felt more comfortable than ever with this pregnancy and raising a child. 

Deliverance

So I have been eating crackers with peanut butter sparsely through the day for the past couple of days because I couldn't stomach anything else. I woke up at 4 am this morning and ending up sitting on the couch and falling asleep in an upright position because the pain was unbearable.  I got so worried that my baby wasn't getting nutrients that I ended up having a small panic attack this morning before work. ugh.

Then, finally, after 3 days and sleepless nights, my stomach growled on my way home from work. victory is mine!!!! I have reclaimed my stomach and my desire to eat!

So, I got home, showered, opened the mail....and thought about what to eat.

I got in my car, drove down Greenville past A and I's usual dinner haunts, but everything sounded disgusting. Then, a light bulb went off.

I did what any starving pregnant woman would do, in an act of deranged preggo hunger, I got out onto the freeway and drove to Uptown where I work. Mind you, this is 20 minutes away.

 Down the street from my building is Great American Hero, or mecca, as I like to call it.

THE BEST sub sandwiches in the world. So good I can't describe it.

I hadn't had fresh veggies in 2 weeks and my body was craving the fresh veggies, meat and cheese piled onto a soft foccacia sub roll. goodness.

 Needless to say, Great American Hero really is my hero today. 

yum.....