And then he smiled at me.....

Just when I get so frustrated and tired that I honestly want to give up...X surprises me and it gives me a boost to keep going. 

X hasn't been sleeping well and I am extremely exhausted by the time the morning rolls around. He cries when he's hungry, and now he has started crying just to get attention. 

While I was feeding X this morning at 7 am, I nearly fell asleep and I was just beat down. I started staring off to the other side of the room. I felt X stop nursing and looked down. He was looking up at me and he gave me the biggest, brightest smile and went "ah-oh". It melted me. 

We then smiled back and forth for about 20 minutes. 

This past weekend the in-laws came over and we celebrated A's birthday. My sister-in-law has two sons, age 5 months and 3 years. I wanted to cry because seeing my youngest nephew next to X made me realize just how quickly he is going to grow up. Now, I can't put X down. I want to cuddle him and play with him and soak in every baby moment before he gets bigger. He's a tiny little munchkin right now. I wish he could stay that way forever..... 

Quite a week!

We have had quite the week so far. We got through Hurricane Ike and the little one had his one month check up. I am proud to announce that he weighed in at 10 pounds 2 ounces and he grew one inch! 

I told my parents the happy news and they told me to stop feeding him and that I was going to make him fat! haha! I explained that the pediatrician was very pleased with his weight gain and that he is perfectly normal. I told them that he may be a big eater now, but he will probably grow leaner and tall as he gets older. I guess times have changed since 25 years ago when I was an infant. My parents aren't used to today's child rearing techniques. 

Tomorrow is A's birthday and I'm not sure what to do for him. I think his sister wants to do a cook out on Saturday. That would be fun. I want to get a card and make a card for X to give to him, but I don't have a car and A is going to be home all day tomorrow. hmmmm....

Where did Saturday go?

Weekends for me have become a time of rest. A and I take turns catching up on our sleep. I sleep through the night, he sleeps during the day, and we nap when X naps. We don't go out, we don't make any plans. 

If someone had asked me a year ago, "Shelby, what would you say if someone occupied every two hours of your life and you had to devote your full attention to that person no matter what? I would have said, "Uh, no way, I want to have a life, that is too much work." 

When I used to get up at 8 am and get my day started, I now wake up about 10 or 11. This is usually after waking up previously for two or three morning feedings. I'm lucky if I get my shower by 3 pm. I find myself wondering where the weekend went when Sunday evening rolls around.  How I am going to handle this when I go back to work still confounds me. 

Today I ran errands for the first time by myself. Granted I could only be out for 30 minutes because X was due for a feeding, but it was a nice break. 

I get a little nostalgic for the "old days" sometimes. Saturdays during football season meant cookouts and drinking beers at bars with friends while catching the UT games. Game Day now consists of A, X, and I sprawled out on the couch, still in our PJ's. Maybe we'll be able to get out in a month or two when X gets a little bigger and stronger. We can take him to my parents while we catch the game somewhere.

Saturdays are still fun in new ways, though. Having X around is so wonderful. He is the sweetest thing. We get to dance during the day and play on his play pad. Well, I dance and play, he just kind of watches in confusion or falls asleep. Today while he was sleeping on my chest, I looked down at him and I just couldn't help but get all giddy and teary-eyed. He's my little boy. He won't be little forever, so I'm trying to soak up his baby days while I can. 

Life has changed so much in the past three weeks, but I couldn't imagine it any other way.