So, how did it all begin.... you think.... well... duh... lemme think...I think we all know that answer. ha!
This journey began on Saturday December 29th....
A (my husband) and I were on our way back home from visiting family in Houston. All week in Houston I had terrible heartburn and indigestion... I just chalked it up to all the food I ate while at home. Who doesn't love to stuff themselves at the holidays?
Well, on Saturday night, I decided I would get a pregnancy test the next day. So, on Sunday, I bought a test, but A and I were convinced that we weren't pregnant and maybe there was something else wrong with me. So, I quickly took the test, thinking it would just give me piece of mind and I would be able to tell my doctor that "well at least I'm not pregnant".....
My life changed in the blink of an eye....literally.... These birth control packages tell you that you have three minutes..... three minutes to ponder the options and sit balled up on the bed and cry and wonder 'what if'. But, No, it flashed PREGNANT...immediately....I had no time to think...
I remember sucking in my breath at that then frightful word...and wondering if it was false... maybe I did the test wrong. I slowly covered the test, walked out of the bathroom, walked over to A and crawled into his lap... I looked him in the eyes, and barely muttered "We're pregnant." I began to sob and my biggest fears at that moment came to fruition. My hubby said, "Sweetie that is the best news I could have ever heard!" You would think hearing your significant other saying this would bring comfort, but instead it brought more tears and sobbing and screaming.
I finally calmed myself, and decided to take the pregnancy test again. Maybe it was a false positive. Sure enough, it was positive. Very positive.
I walked back in the living room, and took my husband's hand. I asked "What do we do now?"
The next morning, we went and saw my doctor. The doctor performed the sonogram and then she turned the screen to A and said, "There it is!" A got teary-eyed and looked and me and said "That's my baby." The doctor then smiled and turned the screen to me. There in the middle of the screen was a small tadpole like being with a flashing light in the middle of it. I asked what that light was. My doctor said, "That's your baby's heartbeat." I nearly lost it because I swelled with pride.
It was at that moment that my thoughts changed from, "what bars am I going to hang out at this weekend in Austin and oooh, I wonder if I can get that cute top I saw at the mall this weekend"... to "what does my baby need, what can I do to ensure a good future for it?"
It is amazing, how quickly the mind changes when something like this happens. That was all the convincing I needed. That little heartbeat. Like the baby was saying, "Hi Mom and Dad, I'll see you soon, take care of me, please."
We got finished at the doctor's and decided to start calling family and friends. We called the parents. A's parents were screaming and so happy, mine were silent and in shock. I imagine they just didn't know what to think. How would you react if your daughter told you she was pregnant at age 24?
We decided to have a celebratory lunch at Chick-Fil-A. We failed to remember, though, that during lunch hour, all the mothers bring their babies and children to this particular location for play dates and lunch. As we walked in, it was just a barrage of screaming babies, children running in between tables and chairs as brightly colored balloons trailed behind them, defiant two-year olds that just want to go out and play and cry because they were told to "sit and eat your lunch first", and... mommy gossip.... I said "I can't do this. I'm just not ready."
This will be me in just a year or two. Chick-Fil-A symbolized everything about early motherhood in one small space. Play dates, screaming, defiance, gossip... eek.....a place I regularly and happily dined at, now gives me a huge lump in my throat and a knot in my stomach.
Today, its much better. I had a brief but wonderful visit with KS and KT in Austin. I'm glad I decided to go and visit and didn't let queasiness stop me.
I realized that I am going to make it through this, because I have wonderful, loving friends and family who are willing to offer support and help if I need it. I just need to reach out instead of holing myself up in my shell when I get stressed. I realized that I can't do that anymore. Not if I want to maintain my sanity.
I'm going to be OK. This is going to be great. Until the next rumble.....
No comments:
Post a Comment