Ready but not...

Today I went to my doctor. Apparently, I've made a lot of progress in 6 days time. I'm up to 2 cm. and 70 percent. I have to be between 4-5 cm to be admitted into labor & delivery, and 100 percent before baby can come out. 

Almost there. 

My doctor told me that she has me on her calendar for an induction next Wednesday the 6th. She said I can come in if I want to have the baby then. I told her that I will probably wait and let the little guy come on his own. I don't think induction unless absolutely necessary is the most healthiest of options. 

Right now I'm playing the guessing game, wondering if every twinge and cramp is a contraction and one step closer to meeting my little one. 

The selfish, go-getter part of me wants to take my doctor up on her offer of induction just so I can not be pregnant and in pain, I can have my baby and I can move on with my life.  The other more hesitant half, just isn't ready yet to take on the responsibility of midnight feedings and poopy diapers and squealing and screaming, and is scared to death and doesn't want to jump just yet. Ohhh, please PLEASE be a good baby. haha.

Life is going to change soon. I hope I can adjust. 

Things I am excited about....

1) holding my little one

2) being a mom

3) watching my little one grow every day

3) being able to do vigorous exercise and loose weight and retained fluid

4) drinking coffee (Starbucks might be a first stop on my way home from the hospital!)

5) not feeling like I am going to collapse after walking up a flight of stairs

6) wearing and shopping for non-maternity clothes

7) going to bars and areas that have smokers in them and not worrying

8) eating sushi, eggs benedict and things with mousse or custard

9) being able to go to Austin, Dallas, Galveston and not feel tired or in pain

10) drinking alcohol (beer and wine at first) 

11) eventually returning to work and getting back on my feet

12) a normal sex life (ha!) 

I made it!

I am in the clear. I made it to 37 weeks which is considered full term. I could have the baby at any time now and it is anticipated that he will be perfectly healthy! eep!

I'm swole...

Not the good kind of swole...but the sausage feet and hands will not go away! Cold packs, soaking in cold water and elevating them just don't seem to be working.... I haven't even eaten any salt today! bleck! 

Is she married??

Well, it finally happened. I thought I would be one of the lucky ones that was able to avoid it.  I've become so "big and swollen" that I can't wear my wedding ring anymore. I can't fit it over my knuckle. I attempted to squeeze it on this morning. Big mistake. It promptly turned my ring finger red and numb. I was able to wrench it off. I feel very weird going around without my ring on. I went to the mall to walk around a bit this afternoon, and I glanced at my finger and had a panic attack. Then I realized that my ring was at home. Gosh I can't wait until this baby weight goes away and I return to a more normal, less puff-ball of a state. 

A gut feeling....

I have had the worst pains and cramps the past two days in my abdomen and back. It's so annoying. I feel like I can't do anything anymore. I am afraid to work, afraid to travel, afraid to do any sort of prolonged activity. I almost want to have the baby now so that at least I would know that shortly thereafter the pain would go away and my body could go back to somewhat normal. 

Today has been a very strange day. My dad took me to PF Changs for lunch. My dad and I were talking about how close I am to having the baby and I told him I had a small feeling the little guy would come sooner than later. He agreed. He said, "Shelby you are about to POP. I am surprised you haven't had the kid yet!!" We got our fortune cookies at the end of the meal. Mine read "Trust your intuition." Fabulous.

Another random occurence happened today..... I don't know if the comment was directed at me but I was at the grocery store looking at something on the shelf, and this woman walks behind me and says "You are going to have that baby in 2 weeks!" It caught me off guard because she just walked by when she said it. No, "Excuse me ma'am when are you due?", no tap on the shoulder and directing the comment at me. She just walked right by. Before I could respond she was already gone around the corner. It was weird. I got this funny lump in my stomach, like maybe she could tell the future and I really will have this baby soon. I know that isn't possible, but it was definitely a "Huh??" moment. 

26 days...

Today marks 36 weeks!

Only 4 weeks left. Less than 30 days to go......

Freaking out...

I will be a mother in 30 days or less.....I think my heart just sank into my stomach...

So much knowledge!

So much knowledge, it's leaking out of my ears!!

I just got back from my infant care class. It was a 3 hour cram session of everything baby. Diapering, bathing, swadding, changing.

A good majority of the things were common sense but there were a few nuggets thrown in there that made you go, "Oh, really?" 

Like, NOT removing earwax build up from a baby's ear?

Like not taking their temperature with anything other than a rectal thermometer?

Goodness child rearing is going to be a trip.

It's a miracle!!

Today I went to the doctor and she took me off bedrest!!!! I am SOOOOO happy! I was convinced that I was going to be on bedrest for the duration of the pregnancy. I don't think I have ever been so excited about the prospect of getting to go back to work and go out and do things! 

The crib is done!!

Well, it took a little while, but A was able to get the crib put together. 

We got the Simplicity Ellis 4 in 1 convertible crib. Since its a convertible crib, there were random holes everywhere, and it took A a while to figure out where the holes to assemble the crib were.

It is so cute! I put the froggie bedding on it and I can't stop looking at the crib now. 

In just a few weeks, the little one will be resting his little head in there. hehehehe.....

so sweet! 

Daycare Dilemma....

I've been doing some research on daycare centers around the area.  

I really can't decide if it would be more feasible for me to stay home and take care of the baby, or if I should go back to work. I'd have to make enough money to compensate for gas and child care, as well as taking care of any expenses that aren't covered by A's salary. 

A  and I were hoping that I could stay home for the first year so I wouldn't miss the firsts. Neither of us wanted to do this, but we are going to have to.

It just hit me that I will have to put my little one in someone else's care when I go back to work and it breaks my heart. I just get this image of my helpless little one in someone else's care and I can't stop crying about it. I don't want to miss the firsts, but if I don't work, we just won't make it. If there was a work at home alternative, that would a miracle. 

My business is starting up, and my old boss is about to pass 2 projects on to me.  That will be a couple grand right there for those. But, it's not going to be enough. My business is not going to be enough. 

I know people do this all the time. Women only get 8 weeks or so of leave and then they have to go back to work. It is just all so hard to grasp. 

Bedrest..... venting...

I am having a true battle with myself.

My doctor wants me on bedrest to prevent me from going into premature labor. That is all well and good, but I have felt perfectly fine. 

There is no scientific evidence that supports bedrest and its' effects on premature labor.  No one knows if it truly works. 

Doctors claim that it reduces pressure on your cervix and helps lower your blood pressure, and helps you relax.

This is what I have to say about that....

1) Since I have been on bedrest, my body has been killing me. While I get up and try to stretch to prevent my legs from cramping, it happens anyway. Laying down all day is hurting my back and my hips from pressure. My legs and arms fall asleep.

2) Bedrest so far, has NOT reduced my blood pressure. If anything, it has shot through the roof.  Because of this "bedrest", I can not work. I can't work, so bills are not getting paid. As of right now, if I do not go back to work within 3 weeks of my having the baby, we are going to be seriously in the red. I can't take it easy knowing that. I can't take it easy knowing that I can't support myself and my husband. He works his ass off all day and gets paid nearly nothing for it (yes, he is an attorney, but a POORLY paid one for the work he does) It scares me to death thinking about what is going to happen to us in just a month or two. I wake up early and stay up late at night looking for a job that I can do while I am home with the baby, but everything is a freakin' scam. So far, bedrest has not helped my health. 

It is taking everything I have not to call my temp agencies and have them put me back on their job lists. 

So, let's say I have the baby and then decide to return to work. How will I pay for child care? 

Our credit is shot. We have no available room on our cards. 

We are in a bind, and I am so extremely frustrated that I can not work right now because my doctor says I can't and that I may have the baby in a couple of weeks. How am I going to take care of this child.....

uuuuurgggh...

Little Tickler...

Ok, so I am watching this little lump (probably a foot or hand) poke out the side of my abdomen right now. I've pushed on it and it won't go down. It's been hanging out for a while and is starting to tickle! hah!

He's playing games with me. Silly monster. 

Insatiable itches....

This bedrest thing is so annoying. 

Although I feel fine, no cramps, no pain, no signs of labor yet, I still have to stay in bed or on the couch.

It is so frustrating because I have so much I need and want to do. Laundry, errands outside of the house, doing dishes, lifting things in the baby's room. Getting all of the baby's stuff ready.

I also wanted to go to Austin and Galveston this month, just to relax a couple more times before the little guy comes. Unfortunately, I don't think that is going to happen. 

My doctor thinks the little guy could decide to come at any time between now and August 18. We are trying to stave out his arrival as long as we can, but you can never be too certain what baby's will do.

must....do....something....

Seriously???

Ok, so contractions are still coming and going....propping myself up on a pillow seems to be bringing some relief for now. Hmmm... who shall I call if it goes down... A is in Austin until Saturday morning for a wedding, family and friends are across town...hmmm..

Part of me wants to just go to the hospital and get the little guy out already and be done with this seemingly endless guessing game, and part of me is scared to death that if he comes now, he will be sick or have other problems, and plus, I am just not ready to have a son 6 weeks ahead of schedule, no sirrreeeee...

The human body is an odd, odd thing. There are so many guidelines in books and websites about how to time contractions, what is considered "false" and what is considered "true" labor...oh but wait, if you are at risk for pre-term birth, then you have to follow this whole different set of guidelines that is kinda similar to "false" labor, but it really just boils down to instinct and "knowing" when its time. There are no clear cut lines at all. I think despite the mountains of literature on labor and childbirth, no one knows what the heck really goes on, they just pretend to know just to make a buck or two. 

ok, going to try to go back to sleep. Happy 4th of July everyone! I'll be laying in bed while everyone is enjoying their BBQ and fireworks displays! Light a sparkler for me! 

My anxious little one....

Ever since my stint in the hospital back in April, I never thought that I would end up there again. 

Much to my surprise, I went in to my normal check up on Tuesday and ended up getting sent down to labor & delivery. My doctor told me that I was one centimeter dilated, and 60% effaced. In plain language, that is a sign of pre-term labor and that baby might be on its way. Those two things plus another couple of signs that I was exhibiting got me sent to the hospital. 

It was quite frightening because I hadn't felt A THING. No pain, no cramping. Just a normal Tuesday for me. 

So,  I get sent in to the hospital and I got all hooked up to all sorts of monitors and things. A came in and stayed with me through the evening, then my parents came over and brought me magazines and stayed with me for a bit. 

I was so restless while I was there. I was having contractions all day, but they were variable and they didn't seem to concern my doctor or the nurses.  My doctor told me that I would probably be discharged in the morning once they have time to monitor me overnight.

Well,  I couldn't sleep. The chick in the room next to me kept coughing and getting sick and yelling and screaming.... I guess she was going in to labor... I dunno... so that kept me up. 

I also realized that I had cable TV in my room so I was fascinated. I don't have cable at home so I probably watched a little more TV than I should have.

Along came midnight and I started feeling really queasy and I started getting intense pains in my lower abdomen. My first thought was, "Well, damn, is this it?" 

I laid down for a bit and drank some water hoping it would subside. It didn't. My nurse came in and told me that I was having contractions EIGHT MINUTES APART and this could possibly be the real thing. 

"Whoa, there" I said, "what do we do next?"

I got a series of shots and pills over the next 6 hours to stop the contractions. This series of medication shot my heart right through my chest and made me so jittery I couldn't sleep. 

I then had a rather terrible and painful blood draw at 4 in the morning by a brand new technician, only to find out a couple hours later that that blood draw had been made by mistake and she shouldn't have taken 6 vials of blood. 

I was finally discharged yesterday afternoon. I was still having contractions apparently, but I couldn't feel them. That made me feel great, not really knowing if it's false or true labor...

Last night about 9 o'clock I thought I was going in to labor again. A just went berserk. I told him to calm down, it probably wasn't the real thing. It just frustrated me so much watching him randomly throw things into a big duffle bag with no real organization to it, like we were about to be hit with a nuclear bomb and had to evacuate.  I called the on-call doctor and he told me to relax and keep drinking water. That eventually calmed things down.

I'm at home now on strict bedrest for the next 2 weeks. When I was on bedrest back in April for just 5 days, I nearly went crazy. 

There are so many things that need to be done and I get so restless wanting to do them. I don't like relying on A or my mom to come help me out. I'd rather do it all myself. 

So, I'll be laying here for the next two weeks, trying to maintain my sanity and hope and pray the little guy doesn't plan on making an appearance anytime between now and then.